* The latest products from the Big Daddy Laboratory and Kitchen - right on the Mississippi River, next to the nuclear power plant, just outside Port Gibson, Ms*
From the kitchen:
Big Daddy's Fried Chicken - Where we raise our own chickens; we feed 'em what they throw away at the nuclear power plant, and them things grow big as Emus. Yes sir, it's the only fried chicken that's naturally boneless. It's the only fried chicken that glows in the dark - so you can always find your favorite piece. And remember, with Big Daddy's Fried Chicken, you get not one, not two, but three chicken legs with every chicken. That's Big Daddy's Fried Chicken, Route 1, Box 1, Old Wastewater Road, Port Gibson, MS*
Big Daddy's Pure White Hog Lard - My Mamaw's own recipe. It goes like this. First, steal a hog. Second, kill it. And it goes on from there. Nothing cooks quite like good ol' hog lard. So good, it's its own food group. Just the thing if you need a little more cholesterol in your diet.*
Big Daddy's All Meat Potted Meat - Made from only the finest natural ingredients, and some chemicals. Armadillo armpits, pulverized posthumous possum parts, llama lips and other stuff you don't even want to know about. Great for hunting and fishing trips, on hor d'ouvres, or the way I like it, with scrambled eggs and toast and a nice Chablis.*
From the laboratory:
Big Daddy's Atomic Elixir - Good for what ails you! Makes you feel full of vim, vigor, and voracious vociferous vitality. Formulated from only the finest natural chemicals, many obtained from the runoff of our neighbor, the nuclear power plant. Even we're not sure how it works, we just know that a snort or two after work makes us able to play all night and still have a little energy left over for the old Black Box Boogie. No, not that, I mean loading up all our stuff after the gig.*
Big Daddy's Love Oil - Now this is what I'm talkin' about! Just squirt a little on your favorite partner's favorite parts and become a part of something totally apart! With just a touch of pure white hog lard for that slick, slow slide to ecstacy. As seen on TV. Watch for our commercials during "Cops" and "Jerry Springer".*
Big Daddy's Laxative & Transmission Fluid - This is the latest miracle product- a dual purpose product at that. Just keep it under your seat, and if you can't go or your car won't go, just whup it out - yes, just whup it out, and pretty soon you'll be looking for a service station for one reason or another, I guarantee. Just look for it in the phosphorecent orange bottle.*
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Ok, ok, all the products are for amusement only, and no warranty is expressed or implied. Not intended for human consumption. However, the shirts and hats are available, and if you want a set of labels to make your own containers, just contact me by e-mail and I'll see what I can do. Also, I still have a few (hundred) copies of my 1998 CD, "Snakebit", if you would like to hear what we sounded like on a typical Halloween night at the legendary, but now defunct nightclub, Fatheree's.